Everything happens for a reason…or so they say. Or so I say, to be more precise. I claim on the daily to believe this statement, but I admit that there are times when I find it hard…
I mean, what does it mean? Everything happens for a reason? Everything? Like, from the moment you are conceived, every little seemingly minuscule thing is happening for a reason? To shape and form you into the person you are meant to be? Everything? From brushing your teeth, to what you eat, to stepping over that crack in the sidewalk (I mean, you don’t want to break your mother’s back, do you?), it all happens for a reason?
To me, that sounds just a little bit crazy. Besides, most religions discuss this idea about free will, which basically means we are given choices and we possess the ability to choose which way we want to go. Free Will versus Everything Happens For a Reason–a.k.a. Destiny or Fate–seem to be mutually exclusive concepts. How can you choose something that is destined to happen?
When I was younger, and still an active member of the Christian Community, I used to get hung up on this concept. If God knew what I was going to do before I did it, could I surprise Him? Could I disappoint Him? With this idea foremost in my noggin, I would purposely set out to do things that God might not expect of me–for example, I’d start to go downstairs, but quickly spin around and go back up. I would grab my Bible and pretend to be looking for Mark, but I would really be looking for Psalms. I’d play the Backstreet Boys on the radio, but rewrite the words on the fly, usually praising Him instead. Granted, nowadays, almost 20 years later, these seem like rather feeble attempts to “pull one over” on God, but those were the days of innocence and naivety. But the juxtaposition of free will and God being omniscient really confounded me.
See, if God really is omniscient, then there really isn’t anything we can do to surprise or disappoint him, because he already knows that we’re going to do it. Therefore making Hell just a man-made scare-tactic. Right? I still don’t know the answer to that, nor do I claim to.
These days, I am not so bound by any one specific classification of religious beliefs. But the question still remains…do I believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes. Yes I do believe that everything happens for a reason. In my world, I have to. I will admit that a lot of cliches told during times of grief, annoy me to no end (“God works in mysterious ways….” Is there a manual? “….never gives you more than you can handle…” Hey, I’m not Wonder Woman. “It’s always darkest before the dawn…” This world seems pretty dang dark. “They’re in a better place now…” Oh, so they’re the lucky ones?), but the end result is the same–I want to believe that there is a reason!
So here’s the thing: if I say that everything happens for a reason, then that doesn’t mean I get to pick and choose which incidents happen for a reason, and which do not. Everything is kind of an all inclusive word, hahaha! I cannot say that example A happened for a reason, but example B was an obvious malicious intention just to hurt. No, that sounds like an oxymoron.
What got me thinking about all of this, was the “one who hurt me the most,” that I mentioned in “What’s Wrong With Me?” I did not want to forgive him, because I was so sure that he was 100% wrong, and I needed him to admit it. However, almost exactly three years later, I have come to the realization that the end result of the entire thing, was meant to be. Maybe free will had added quite a bit of drama into the equation–perhaps that was not entirely necessary–but he and I were meant to fall apart like that. He had to perform the ultimate betrayal for me to betray him. Without my betrayal, he would still be on the old road, not the one that he is on now–the better one, which includes love and family. Without an “us” he probably wouldn’t have what he has now. (At least I tell myself this to make me feel better.) Although I still, honestly, harbor a grudge against him–I thought our friendship included active listening, hahaha–I would not change anything, even if I had the power to do so. As he has assured me time and time again, we are forever in each other’s lives; holding a grudge only hurts me.
Another example–Funky Lollipop’s first booth at a show. Not exactly the money-making event that we had hoped for, but I feel as though it was an amazing experience nonetheless. For me, the people we met, the contacts we made, the real-life experience we were exposed to–all worth it! I’m not sure if I am fully aware of all the reasons yet, but I still feel good about the entire thing!
My current job–I only interviewed for two jobs in 2013, museum and Harley shop. I thought I was a shoo-in for the Harley shop, but it didn’t pan out. And I am thankful for that! My former friend got the position instead, to work with my brother’s former girlfriend. Now wouldn’t that have been awkward! Plus, if I had not started working here, I would have never met Lollipop! If I had gotten the job at Harley, Funky Lollipop would not exist! How tragic is that??!!
While driving–if I seemingly get trapped behind the slowest person ever, almost always there is a cop hiding around the next corner. Or a deer preparing to cross the road. Even these random little nudges, seemingly happen for a reason.
I love Marilyn Monroe’s quote–“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” People change, including yourself, and usually for the better. There has to be a yin and yang–a balance between the good and the bad–so that you can recognize the good when you have it. And, in the end, you really can only trust yourself to do what you want you to do. It is very hard to expect someone else to do what you want them to do, hahaha. And sometimes you don’t know that there are better things waiting for you right around the corner.
Marilyn’s life story is rather complicated and tragic. Not the happy ending I am sure she expected. I have an affinity with Marilyn, loving her as a person, not an actress. I am unsure of the reasons behind her life and death–but I know that she did become eternally famous! Everyone knows her name! Her life story has impacted so many individuals from all walks of life–from the wannabe actresses to the eternally horny to the avid conspiracy theorist–so many look upon her with reverence.
Believing that everything happens for a reason is a big leap of faith. Accepting that “the universe” has a plan for you, and that you probably will not ever really know what that plan entails, and being okay with that, is a whole lot of faith. Trying not to be angry about the crappy hand you are sometimes dealt…that takes faith too.
I believe that there are quite a few BIG THINGS that will happen in every person’s life, that they will not have any control over. Free Will can get you so far, but “the powers that be” will use whatever means necessary to get you to the point that they want you to be at. To be the person you are meant to be. Accepting that you most likely will not know the reason, will be the hardest thing for me. I love to know why!!
So, Destiny, what do you have in store for me? What’s my story? Is it a tragedy? A comedy? Drama? Not a lot of action, hahaha! Will there be a love story? Either way, I hope it is a fabulous read!!