Dissecting Understanding Part VII: The BFF



I am amazingly blessed. Being a solid and open person has enabled me to create quite a few strong and meaningful connections with several different people. You already know my business partner, Lollipop, whom I have only known a short while, but with whom it has already been established that we are lady soul mates. As wildly different as we are, the core of our being is so similar that we immediately recognized it in the other. And if you have read any of my blogs, then you also know about “my boys,” my “brothers from several other mothers” (although they all called my mother “mom” too). The core group is my family–I don’t need to see them all of the time to be assured that the love is still there, that it will always be there, and that I am not allowed to ever feel friendless and unloved! And visa-versa. Beyond the core are even more that I am really fond of, and I am sure the feeling is mutual. At work, I am pretty well liked, and usually hear, “Oh my gawd! I love you!” at least once a day, hahaha! In fact, I have several very good friends from a few places of employment. At the risk of sounding arrogant and full of myself, I am definitely not lacking in the friend department! I can make friends fairly easy, fall in love fairly easy, so when you enter the fold, I love you genuinely.

But this blog is about that friend. You know the one that I’m talking about, right? Yup! The BFF!!! (Obviously we became friends in the 90’s hahaha!) Best Friend Forever, besties, sisters from another mister, my heterosexual lifemate, whatever you want to call it; I have one! Desiree + Rachel = Best Friends Forever!! Currently, Desiree lives over 1,000 miles away, *big heavy sigh*, but I did just get back from visiting her!


I’m not sure how it is for everyone else, but in my world, understanding the relationship that “Rita” and I have is a big part of understanding me. Seeing the two of us together, being able to handle the two of us drunk together hahaha, seeing the depth of our feelings for Buffy the Vampire Slayer and 90’s pop music…it is a lot! And it is important. I don’t make excuses about it–Rita is my BEST friend. Besides my mother, she is the only one who will be at the top of that list. Forever. Didn’t I mention that word before?


Rita and I met in 1993 on the school bus; she in third grade, me in fourth. I was the second stop, and she, at the time, was the fifth stop. In a rural area, this meant that we spent a lot of time on that bus!! I cannot remember who spoke first and what was said, but I do remember when I realized that we were serious friends–she had tried a new hairstyle, and the kids on the bus were super mean about it (as they are prone to be), and the violent visceral reactionary feeling I had about these effers making fun of my friend, assured me then and there that we were besties!


1993-Present….that is a long time! We did everything together! We made up dance routines to TLC and Immature, she endured all of my crazy favorite movies, we reenacted our favorite scenes as dramatically as we could, she taught me how to walk in a straight line (hahaha), fell in love with Clueless together, watched every awards show or Miss America, became full-fledged boy-banders together, started our own pop group and sang covers and copied dance moves from our favorite pop stars (TuiT forever!!!), ghost hunting, driving, the dating of best friends, became enraptured Buffy nerds….we even got kicked out of church together, hahaha, for not leaving each other’s sides!! (We were in different grades, after all. We “did not need to come back if we were only there to socialize!”) We had planned out our entire lives together!! Of course, nothing went as planned, but we are still together, hahaha!!


I sincerely believe that best friends are important. They are that one person who really know you, who you cannot not be yourself around, who knows that you are crazy and will still drop everything to be with you when you need them. Rita and I, of course, have had our highs and lows. We have both done things to each other that seemed to be the “very worst thing imaginable and there was no way our friendship could survive that!!” It did, we did. We have slid out of each other’s lives and come back only to find the other in a situation that made us both go, “Really? You? You are doing that? Color me startled! But I love you anyway!” And guess what? We both eventually left those things, hahaha, once we were back in each other’s lives! We can lie to ourselves, but you can’t lie to your best friend…not really…


Now, just a few days away from her entering “the 30’s” with me, we have definitely grown beyond being capable of petty fights with each other. Spending a week with her and her family was so incredibly easy. If I could, I would live there with her, in her guest room, sharing a bathroom with her daughters, for the rest of my life. Rita would totally be down, and I believe her husband would too, hahaha! Because I make her that happy and I am good with the kids, and my papa raised me to be a happy little handyman, which he is not, hahaha! But that is one thing Rita and I never got to do together, was have our own place. However, I was engaged on my 18th birthday…so I can see why it didn’t work out, but it still sucks. And even today, we cannot feasibly work out even living in the same state, dang it! But we are together. 1,000+ miles apart and we are always together.


Thank you Desiree, for being the bestest friend ever. Thank you for loving me despite all of my ‘ish. And thank you for all of the amazing memories! “You complete me!!” Hahaha! TuiT Forever!!!


“A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it’s you and me together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart.” ~Facts About You

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